


Nature, Nurture, Heaven and Home

by areazel



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor 2 (Movie)
Genre: Character Study?, I HAD SUCH FEELINGS., I JUST HAD EMOTIONS, I just had a lot of feelings, Maybe. - Freeform, One Shot, Spoilers, Spoilers for Thor 2, okay, sort of.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 20:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areazel/pseuds/areazel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I just saw the movie tonight and I just had a lot of feelings. And then on the way back a perfect song came up and I typed this up really fast while in bed (I knew I would be unable to sleep if I didn't).</p><p>[!! THOR 2 SPOILERS !!][!! THOR 2 SPOILERS !!]<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Nature, Nurture, Heaven and Home

**Author's Note:**

> [ Canonical Character Death ]
> 
> Loki's thoughts on loosing Frigga. 
> 
> I have no idea where this came from. Honestly, but I just sort of regurgitated it onto the page. It's way too late for me to reread it, and I don't even know if I will come back and try to fix it up - I just had to get the words out onto the page.
> 
> However, I am always happy to have comments, reviews, and readers!
> 
> I listened to The Humbling River by Puscifer (this is where the end lyrics are from as well as the title) I dunno if that might give more feeling to the piece, if you listen to that song when reading.

 When the soldier had come down to his cell Loki had wanted to believe he was being lied to – but he knew better than that. He as the liar, he was the trickster.  This was no lie, this was no trick.  She was dead, he could read the truth plain as text written across the soldiers face. Of course Asgard would mourn, Asgard would send their queen off with all the respect she deserved. But what came next hurt more.  _They_ had mourned her. _They_ had sent her off. He had not been there. 

All he could remember was their argument, the way she had faded away when he had touched the illusion that she was.  That as the last he had seen of her, an illusion that had fallen away from between his fingers like sand. She had always been at his side, she had raised him as one of her own even with the knowledge he was not. She had taught him how to use his seidr. She had recognized  the talent he had, and had encouraged his use of it (something she probably regretted).

 

          “ _He is not my father!_ ”

 

When he found that out he couldn’t say he was surprised. Hurt, yes, he supposed, but it made sense. Darkness could not exist without light – he was the dark to Thor’s light. What was better than the darkness to Thor’s brilliance being a Jotun prince?  Pieces had fallen into place when he had found that out.  He was not Odin’s son, he had been found, he had been left to die. Left to freeze, to die slowly because he was not worth nurturing in such a harsh environment.

 

          “ _So am I not your mother?”_

Frigga had never turned her back on him, not in all the thousands of years he had been alive.  She had kept Odin from punishing him too severely for so very long, but she could only do so much. His attack on Midard had been too much, she could only save him from so much. Justice had to be served, and as much as Loki didn’t like the fact, Odin was smart.  Loki would rather he be sentenced to death than to be left to rot away in one of Asgards dungeons.  While he was not immortal, he would live for years upon years.  A lifetime trapped in a cage was no life. In the time since being brought back from Midgard in cuffs and a muzzle his mother had not visited him once.  If that was her choice or Odin’s he didn’t know. Was she finally done with him like the rest of the Aesir? He didn’t know. Perhaps she was – and oh did that hurt.  Perhaps she realized that she had raised a frost giant, and upbringing couldn’t turn a monster into a man. Perhaps she had decided to focus on her _only_ son.  The one destined to sit upon the throne.

 

          “ _You are not._ ”

 

And then she was gone. She was dead, and as much as he knew he wasn’t truly hers (how could he be? He had been abandoned on Jotunheim why should an Aesir desire to keep him?) he felt something crumble.  In his mind Thor was _not_ his brother, Odin was _not_ his father – but he couldn’t stop thinking of Frigga as his mother. Now she was gone, she was gone and he hadn’t been allowed to mourn. He hadn’t the privilege to see her off. 

Frigga was dead, the great queen of Asgard was dead. The realm was mourning.  Odin was mourning his wife. Thor was mourning his mother. And Loki, Loki was mourning the loss of the woman who had helped shape his life. She had been the support, she had been the frame that he had been built upon. When growing up she had always pushed him, encouraged him to be more than what he was – she had believed that he could do that. That even in a world where strength was measured in physical prowess, he could prove to be something to far.

 

Now that support was gone.  

He was not Loki of Asgard, son of Odin and Frigga.

He was not of Jotunheim, son of Laufey and Farbauti

He was Loki, just Loki.

Nothing more, nothing less.

 

 

 

 

_"Pay no mind to the battles you've won_

_It'll take a lot more than rage and muscle_

_Open your heart and hands, my son_

_Or you'll never make it over the river"_


End file.
